my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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