Porn is love you can see.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
