we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
All the doctor said was why
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
