when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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