I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
