After last night, I could never be a politician.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
