Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
