im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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