he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
