Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
