bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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