then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
