I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
