david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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