So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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