Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
