found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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