I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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