You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
