I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
