dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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