it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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