my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
