He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
