Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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