I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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