I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
