yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
