It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
