My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
