do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
