Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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