I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
