I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
