Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
