ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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