I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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