I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
