SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize