just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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