I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
