He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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