I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
