I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
being pregnant is like rehab
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
