In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
