Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
