I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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