I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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