You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
