I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Randomize
