Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
