I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
