I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i barfeds in our rink
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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