You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize