apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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