how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
