make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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