Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
