So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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