I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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