Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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