these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
