How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My cat gives me a boner
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize