no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
