lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
