WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
