Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
