I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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