Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
