all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
