Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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