You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
