I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
